情绪病

自从那天去看了医生，提到了我多年以来的抑郁症状和近期偶然出现的焦虑症状，我的情绪问题好像就被坐实了。原本感觉“正常”的低落、紧张或者焦虑的情绪，好像一下子真的像个病一样，让我感觉无比困扰。

对一切都提不起兴趣，没有动力做哪怕很简单的事情。

好像所有事情都变得无比困难，永无完结之日。

对时间的感觉模糊，回忆出现很多偏差。

难以入睡，也难以醒来。每每睡着必有噩梦，噩梦的情绪会一直延续一整天。

梦

两年多，这可能是我第一次梦见奶奶。

梦里的情节十分离奇。爷爷得到一种神药，可以复活一个死去的人，但只有一个月的时间。爷爷当然就复活了奶奶。

得知这个喜讯，我们一家喜不自胜，赶快赶到爷爷家，像多少年以来一样，兴奋地推开门——我死去的奶奶，她竟然就坐在沙发上！

逃不脫YouTube的套子／沒有自控力的人

過去的一週彷彿是一場噩夢。

每個學期中，英國的大學會放一個星期的假用來專門讀書和做功課，名曰Reading Week。而每個學期的這一週都是我最恐懼的噩夢。因為我是個沒有自控力的人，不配擁有任何假期。

每天早晨醒來，翻個身，我就又會沈沈睡去。閉上眼睛再睜開，就已經是將近上午十點了。懶懶散散的爬起來，掛著耳機，去廚房開始準備早餐。起床太晚，早餐九自動和午餐合併，成為一頓份量很不合時宜的大餐，往往含三四種不同的食物，吃到人昏昏欲睡。吃早餐時往往會打開youtube看些無聊影片，吃完也難以關掉，於是就到了中午。

下午陽光很好，曬的我昏昏欲睡。心裡想著，睡一覺醒來精神好，就可以開始做正經事。結果再次睜開眼睛就已經是日落時分了，要吃晚餐了。晚餐當然也要配著無聊影片吃，然後就莫名其妙的到了午夜，室友此時會從自修室學成歸來，準備休息，我也按照她的時間準時上床，再拿著手機看一會無聊影片，愚蠢的一天就這樣過去。

週而復始。

A Breakfast Meeting with British Museum and Sotheby’s

About a month ago, I was shocked by the fact that my Master program is coming to an end already. It feels like it has just started yesterday. Suddenly I need to think about what to do next. I started to search for jobs.

The Career centre of LSE provides opportunities of meeting people from the industry that you want to work in on a Friday breakfast meeting. So I signed up. The first one is about consultancy. I missed because of a typical reason – overslept. This week I finally made it.

沒有發生的豔遇

今天要講的故事是，昨晚沒有發生的一場豔遇。

星期六晚，一早跟幾個女友約了去Shoreditch的一間地下雞尾酒吧喝酒。這間雞尾酒吧是一個月前一個Dating App上認識的廣告業電影愛好男要約我去的。但Online Dating這種事就是這樣：如果兩天內沒有轉化為線下的關係，彼此早就已經找到新的對象了。

地下雞尾酒吧客滿，我和另一位女友因為急尿，不想再等，於是在周圍亂轉，看看有什麼新鮮去處。Huxton Square周圍酒吧很多，我們隨便找了一家進去，是另一間在地下室的糜爛好去處。

一入座我們就發現，幾乎現場的酒客都是青年男性。我們隔壁的一桌男士正喝得盡興，二十多歲，又唱又跳，高大魁梧。我心想，要不就是gay吧，要不就是我們找對了地方。兩輪酒下肚，又加了一圈龍舌蘭，女友們互相牽著走到舞池跳舞。

Secret of having a productive day | 5 of 365 Mindfulness Practices

I Finally had a semi-productive day after a whole month of procrastinating. Writing down this sentence even makes my eyes water a little…..

Relaaaaax…..| 4 of 365 Mindfulness Practices

Today’s practice is….”relax”.

Jan. 3rd: An affirmation is a quiet reminder repeated to yourself as you go about your day; let today’s affirmation be ‘relax’.

When I saw this, I feel impossible. Leading a typical graduate student life, I have 3 essays due in 2 weeks, added up 15,000 words to write. Well, How can I be relaxed? I can repeat it a million times but still feel so stressed up that I want to pull off all my hair. (If there is still any left… )

3/365 Mindfulness Practices | Yee See Life

<Dover>

< Canon EF Film Camera, Kodak UltraMax 400 Color Negative Film (35mm Roll Film, 36 Exposures)>

 

First of all, Thanks for everybody who commented on my post yesterday. I never thought of getting noticed in such a short time. Some of you even shared your own experience of mindfulness practice and writing. I appreciate all your lovely words so much. Now I can understand why people always call it “the blog community”. So far I’m very glad I decided to do this.

Today’s mindfulness practice is to sort out the wardrobe. Actually, I have already been doing something for my wardrobe since October. The Capsule Wardrobe. This has changed the fate of my always exploding wardrobe. The magic of this project is, you own a lot less of pieces but they will make endless outfit options that look fab on you…

Day 2 of 365 Days of Mindfulness | Yee See Life

My mindfulness practice for Jan. 1st was to start a journal to note down feelings. I wrote a 7,000 words recap of 2015 (but sorry for English readers, it’s in Chinese). I stayed in a small local coffee shop for a whole afternoon and was writing non-stop. Gawd that felt good! I haven’t been writing for a long time for some reason. And I never actually missed writing until that moment.

After I finished the whole thing, I stepped out of the cafe and felt completely different. It’s almost creepy. I felt much lighter, both physically and mentally, as if I have put down packages that I have been carrying for a whole year. The air smell somewhat different. I have a strong and definite feeling that I am here, at this present. Is it weird? I feel like just woke up from a long and stressful bad dream. And everything is new and refreshed.

Phew! 

365 Days of Mindfulness Practice | Yee See Life

Hello 2016 😉

I always love new years. This is the time when everybody feels encouraged and refreshed no matter how good or bad last year was. Every face on the street are filled with hope and wishes, every step is light and bouncy. Although from philosophy we all know that time is actually a lie, and years and months are actually created by people for the only purpose of making record (for agriculture maybe?)

Although from philosophy we all know that time is actually a lie, and years and months are actually created by people for the only purpose of making records (for agriculture maybe?). But let’s be honest, who need philosophy now?  Having a brand new start is always a delightful present of the New Year.

This year, I want to do something new….